they have my heart!!!

...i was just looking thru old pics with a friend, and came across my ghana pics again from about a year and a half ago... its easy to forget all the emotion in a trip like this one, but when you take the time to remember, its almost like god just refreshes those works he did in you at the time and brings back the emotions and the lessons... i miss these kids. what beautiful little people. i cant wait to see them again.

so... a couple of little things mention worthy...

i am officially 5'5''.
i quite my job.
im going to germany in one month.
my school deadlines are june 12.
im seriously considering applying to AUC for summer 2010.
i want to eat cactus cut potatoes all day long.

story time. the other day at work, i was messing around with my manager, eugene chuung.. who we call choo chene... and he noticed a giant bruise on the under part of my forearm...and this is how the convo went!

eugene: holy, thats a huge bruise
samantha: i know... i dont know how it got there
eugene: you get in a fight?
samantha: me? a fight? hahah no
eugene: eeeeh youre teasing me. hey, are you a hemopheliac?
samantha: um, considering i dont know what that is, i dont think so.
euegene: let me know show you. *looks it up on the internet*
samantha: *reading* uhhh, no, im not a hemopehliac.
eugene: can be caused by trauma!! have you experienced trauma recently...
samantha: ahahhahahaha youre kidding me.
eugene: no really, haha, have you!
samantha: well... yeah, i guess that wouldnt be wrong to say.
eugene: well there you go, hemo.
samantha: *evil eye*
eugene: oh come on, its not that bad. look at this scar i have and how ugly it is!! *shows me scar*
samantha: yup. thats ugly.
euegene: so youre not a hemopheliac?
samantha: no, but i am almost anemic!
eugene: YOU CAN READ MINDS??!!
samantha:..... *pauses*..... no. thats telepathy.
eugene: of course of course.
samantha: wait a second... i woke up with a charlie horse the other night!! in my calf muscle and i have a bruise there too.. is a charlie horse considered trauma?
eugene: yeah. i guess you could say that!
samantha: well there you go. i have hemophelia from suffering from the trauma of a charlie horse on the back of my left upper calf muscle.
eugene: that was way too many big words.
samantha: he heh eheh

if you ever have a bad enough charlie horse, to create a giant bruise on the back of your calf muscle, as far as i am concerned, you too are also a hemopheliac!!!!!!!

later dayz.

and i said, break my heart for what breaks yours...

he walked past the wide window right in front of me. i sat there, ignorantly. drinking a latte, laughing... something, perhaps movement, caught my eye, and like a string tugging on left side of my head, i looked over at the man walking away from me, looked back and continued my conversation. i slammed on the breaks, mentally reversed. i had seen him, my brain took in a picture, but i didn't have a chance to think on it until a few moments later. .as my mind was analyzing the last few sentences i heard, the last few sounds and pictures, this image of a man stood almost at a halt in front of all the other things lined up waiting to be analyzed. his skin was red and raw, from a harsh windburn maybe. for what it seems, his red weathered skin may have been the result of years of emotional, physical and mental stress that made its way from his inwards to his outwards. he walked as if attached to his right leg was a heavy weight... the shoes he wore on his feet were worn down, ripping along the seems. on one shoe, the lace had been torn and so opposite his limp, he drug his foot to keep his shoe from slipping off. his jeans were dirty, as was his jacket. crippled fingers poked from beneath the hem of his over sized and outdated jacket. fingernails needing to be trimmed had dirt beneath them, and the upsides of his hands looked as if he had been digging through dirt and blackberry bushes... torn, weathered.... the collar of his jacket came around his face, as if he was trying to hide as much of himself as he could. although his head was hung low, i caught a glimpse of his eyes, that i am sure i could never forget. they were so blue, but at the same time - almost white. they looked like the saturation had been stripped from them and all that was left was a thin layer of light blue on a stark white eye. his eyes were like nothing i've ever seen. piercing, i don't think, would be too strong a word. his patchy silver whiskers made a poor excuse for a beard.

my eyes quite obviously looked him up and down several times within a couple of seconds, taking in everything about this character. it took another moment for my eyes and mind to connect, but when they did, and when i realized what was right in front of me, i think it was also quite obvious that i felt as if a wrecking ball had been swung right into my stomach. i wasnt frightened in the least to approach him, i wanted to rush out and invite him to sit with me interview style. i wanted to bless him, to hear his story, to fix him. fix him... my arrogance frustrates me. fix him... i cant fix him...

again, as my minds eye runs up and down this character walking past the wide window in front of me, i feel as if the entire contents of my stomach are being forced upward as my whole body shifts into vertigo. i was at a loss... for words. i was too slow to action, though i wanted to leap from my seat and bring him by the arm to the table i sat with my friend, again.. my arrogance... ugh. to ask such a man who so evidently has been brought down to almost complete ruin by either his life's consequences or someone else's? to sit with... me? honestly, i wanted to run after him and stop him. i wanted to bring him in, clothe him, feed him, hear his story, bless him, pray for him and let him go, but that stupid wrecking ball had left me shambles. i panicked...

i wonder what thoughts were going through his head as he limped quickly past the window. . . was he trying to think of where he would find money to get the bus from here to the salvation army? was he thinking of where he could find an ash tray for fresh smoke butt? was he wishing he had an address to give to register for a blue hospital card? was he trying to find an excuse to walk into mcdonalds, so he didnt have to walk up and down, up and down the streets? i dont know. maybe i shouldnt know. all i can do is wonder. but this man left me feeling so... useless almost. my arrogance shattered me to the core, showing myself how unthankful i am for what i have. i am thankful, i am. but i dont realize how blessed i am, and how careless i am with my blessings.

it just occurred to me now that a common prayer of mine is "break my heart for what breaks yours"... maybe the purpose of seeing this man was to make me realize how blessed i am, and to consciously be aware and much less careless... or maybe it was to break my heart for what breaks his. maybe it was an opportunity to be the arms of jesus... i dont know. i know that this memory i have will be a difficult one to erase. although, at the moment i wish it would go, because i have a headache from crying over his face that is the reason for this post...

rev·er·ence (rěv'ər-əns)

n.

1. A feeling of profound awe and respect and often love; veneration.
2. Profound respect and esteem mingled with fear and affection, as for a holy being or place; the disposition to revere; veneration.
3. The outward manifestation of this feeling.

If there's anything more beautiful than people with such a reverence for God, show me. People humbled, in awe of their creator... no limits on what he can do... truth... just such a deep respect and love for our Father...

Hmmm... I could sit on that for ages.. just thinking... I think David had a real reverence for God. A little shepherd boy who worshiped God... who saw Gods character in everything around him. God appointed him as King... God knew his heart. Its so special really.. sincere. Proverbs 1:7 - KJV -
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Maybe that's why God appointed men like David. They feared him as Creator... they lived in awe... on his every word! They worshiped him, because they loved him... in all aspects of living.

David never ceases to amaze me. Ive learned alot from him... little shepherd boy. Lol, I wish the Bible had pictures! Hehehe, learn some more.. ahhahah... ahha Im kidding... ahhaha Im actually laughing at myself! NICE WAY TOO END A GREAT POST! Hey, Gods good. He makes great things...

Anyway! Im at Starbucks working on an analysis of Amazing Grace, just finished an essay on kitchen safety... getting work placement agreements printed... ahhaha and trying to figure out how Im going to get everything done that needs to be done. My God is a God who works miracles, hallelujah! Come Lord Come!!

Ok - Ive got to get back to work. I would encourage you to read the Psalms though... learn from David. Hes a really cool guy. . . God thought so... I think he's study worthy!!!

Later Dayz Folks

P.S. 4 weeks til germany today!! This time, next month, I will be flying over the Atlantic... :) Whoo!!!!!!

i gotta have more cowbell baby

May 21, 2009... time goes by so quickly.

im sitting in the far corner at starbucks studying amazing grace - the life of william wilberforce. what an amazing man... its pretty busy in here like every day is at 9am... daniel eliasons sitting in the table beside me ironically enough trying to convince himself that he can become a morning person.
:) all things are possible!

cowbell... i gotta have more cowbell baby.

watch the clip :)

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/snl-more-cowbell.html

Studying Job....

On May 16 - Saturday - 2 am... I was like, "What are the specific things I want God to teach me, and what are the things that I want to grow in?" So I made wrote a paragraph in my devotional about the specific things I want God to work in me, and the things I want to be making a continual effort in. "I want to learn to pray and worship with an understanding of who God is, his character, his power..." So I started reading Job, Acts, Psalms, and Proverbs. I know it sounds like quite a handful, but its all really quite interesting how its working together. Im studying the life of Job... who he was, how he responded to the voice of God, to troubles, how he lived.... Im studying Acts because its the new way God works, and its just full of the power of God... Its inspiring really... Im reading Proverbs just a chapter a day. I always pray that God would give me wisdom and discernment in every circumstance, and though I can pray for the wisdom God gave Solomon, I need to feed myself too... so, Im reading Proverbs... I really enjoy it. As for the Psalms... Im so inspired by David. He didnt have it all together. He was a shepherd... he was by himself all the time... but he worshipped... just him and God spending time together, he worshipped. God rescued David countless times... I love Psalm 18, because it just reminds me that my God is a warrior God. There are no limits on what he can do. Hes God! The way God responded to Davids cries... vs 19 says, "He rescued me because he delights in me." Why does God delight in David? Not because he's perfect, but because his intentions are pure. He longs for more of God... He wants to know who God is... he worships from his heart... He worships not because people can see, but because he wants to honor God. David certainly didnt have it all together, and God knew it. God knows were human, but God delighted in David... because of the purity in the intentions of Davids heart. Verse 7-15 remind me of my warrior God. Vs 16 says "He reached down from heaven and resuced me; he drew me out of deep waters. He delivered me...... but the Lord upheld me... he resuced me because he delights in me..." David is referred to as the Lords servant a hundred times in the Psalms. . . He was a beauiful worshipper, and the reason Im studying the Psalms is to begin to understand how to live a life of worship in every aspect of my day to worship. . . without the band, without people.... just me and God... to learn how to continually worship God. Psalm 19 in the beginning of the chapter says, "The heavens tell of the glory of God. . . Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known." David saw the glory of God in everything around him, which is why and how he was able to continually worship... Im finding it really cool to study strange things... Reading the Psalms always seemed like the chincy way to "get thru devos" but... studying the Psalms is really interesting. . . learning about David... who he was... why he was who he was... who he was in God and through God... just really cool. Studying the Psalms and Job has been really good for me this week...

Interesting little fact - in Job, the later chapters like 13,14,15, Job begins to really lose his faith.. he curses the name of God and his existence... but in all this, there were men that surrounded him that reminded him of the character of God, the power of God and who God was.. hmm... Job didnt have men around him that would agree with how unjust God was... Job didnt have men around him that would pity him.. he had men around him that held him to a higher standard. They reminded him of who God is. In Job 15, Eliphaz says to Job after Job gives God the rundown of how unjust he is, "Were you the first perso ever born? Were you born before the hills were made? Were you listening to Gods secret counsil? Do you have a monopoly on wisdom? What do you know that we dont? What do you understand that we dont?.... Your sins are telling your mouth what to say. YOur words are based on clever deception. But why should I condemn ou? Your own mouth does..." Now this is really cool... verse 34 "Is His gentle word not enough?" Job scoffed at the wisdom of these men, and after telling them to not speak another word, and to just listen to Jobs plea, they spoke and said this... they knew what Job was going through. They had been with him for weeks, but they knew the character of God and reminded Job of it. vs 34+35 - "For the godless are barren... They conceive trouble and evil and their hearts give birth to only deceit."

Interesting, dont you think? I think that its really interesting that the men with Job, Eliphaz and Zophar, were men of wisdom.. men of God... men of integrity... they came around Job and even when Job scoffed at the name of God, they reminded Job of who God really was... Those are the kind of people we need around us in times of trouble and pain... not people that will agree with us, not people that will feed our negativity.. people that will remind us of who God is and stand beside us even when we dont want them there...

Gods so good... dont you think? ;)

Later days

we wont be satisfied with anything ordinary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPOKbgNP1ik

This is a fantastic song - Ive been listening to it on repeat all day!