wednesday bloody wednesday.

all at once, it seems to fall away. why is that? stability. security. sanity... apparently all of a sudden im not a suitable host for any of the above. i feel like i've swallowed a brick. its been weeks, though. normally, shouldnt it have digested by now? seriously. im done with this. ive asked for it back, but so far... no gifts at the front door addressed to me. i keep closing my eyes and then opening them again. i wish i could twitch my nose back to how i used to feel. i know it wont work though, so i dont bother. what on earth is going on here. that bricks still sitting there. right in the middle of my chest... i cant figure out if its my heart or if its my stomach. doesnt really matter either way. its still there. however, i have been given a couple fancy gifts. gallons of pressures... exciting. anyway. i think im going to go do something else now.