june 5...

well. its been some of the hardest days of my life this week. i often poke fun at those overdramatic young girls... or the emos... and definitely not that im either, but i can relate. listening to music right now is even overwhelming... theres far too much emotion in it. its like a checklist for every line in the song. yup, been there. yup, feelin that... yup... thats the truth. some days i think im just... too unaffected. its like ... when you get shot, you clean a wound... you fix it... but lately, a wounds just a wound and i dont seem to care whether i clean out the little rocks and wipe off the dirt before it heals over. i know its not right, but maybe its easier...

you know.. when youre a little kid at the swimming pool, and theres always that jerk that thinks its funny to dunk ppl? he dunks you when youre not expecting it, you panic and try to get to the surface for air, but he pushes you down again. then you start to get angry... youre sure youre going to die.... and when you finally get to the surface, all you want is a big breathe of air. well... i can also relate.


im tired of being broken, to extend grace and heal again, just to be broken... im angry for sure, but im more hurt than anything else. confused, frustrated, aching... i spent three hours puking over the toilet last night crying my little heart out. this is stupid. . . . time to move on and let go of a few dreams.