living in grace

its unbelievable that im going to germany in two weeks today... two weeks. gosh. i better start my laundry lol, or i wont be ready in time!!! :) its going to be an absolutely crazy week for me this week. my school deadlines are 12-June... so... thats not much time to do 5 major history essays, a months worth of shakespear studies in english, as well as finishing up food studies, work experience and planning.... hmm... i think my social life may suffer this week. oh well. it will get done. no worries!! gosh, i just cant get over it. a year ago i applied for this exchange.. never thought it'd happen. i need to get some sun...

theres a few major areas in my life that may be out of balance, that ive just been working on, praying through... one of them being learning to pray through things and release them to god. what freedom there is in that... most things that *need* to be released are the hardest to release. . . a grudge or unforgiveness... jealousy... anger... hatred.... these are some of the hardest things to give to god, because their tied up in your pride. understanding your areas of weakness, and your areas of fault, and default are really important to focus on, and give extra attention to. there is such freedom when we release these things to god and give him free reign to work. when we release them, were letting go of our pride, our power, our security (as if our issues bring us some sort of security lol... sometimes you feel more secure though i guess, if you can hold onto it)... anyway, my point is that the hardest things to ask god to change in your life are also the most important. giving god free reign over your areas of weakness brings such freedom. forgiving releases life... grudges keep you in bondage. if theres anything im learning in my present days, its that its not my place to judge. its my place to forgive, to give my hurts to god, and to release it at that and move on. theres a release of life and freedom when we choose not to be angry. ive chosen both paths, and anger, judgement, and grudges only hurt me... im learning in all this, that its important to respect, regardless. its important to be slow to anger, and to not judge the situation. its so easy to quickly judge, and be angry... its easy because its natural. its the flesh. if its natural, its not being led by the spirit... a symptom (lol) of being led by the spirit is being loving when you could be angry. being joyful when you could be frustrated. having a peace of god, when you could be anxious. being kind when you have every right to be disrespectful. being patient when youre at the end of your wits... responding gently when you want to scream at them at the top of your lungs... and in it all... being faithful to your character, to who you are, to your identity in christ..... being faithful to what you believe, and to the standards you have set for yourself...

gods so good. i keep praying for something good to come out of my current struggles, and were not quire there yet, but gods working. hes a big god, and i see him orchestrating everything to work out for his glory. i love calling him my almighty... its so powerful... hes not a little itty bitty god... hes a big powerful limitless god. hes all i need... im finding that in every circumstance he satisfies me, fulfills me, gives me rest.... forgives me... covers me in his peace... hes faithful... even when nobody else is... "all of you is more than enough for all of me. for every thirst...for every need."